Can Mothers be Artists? Utah Artists Say YES in Upcoming Show, “Not a Ghost: Reclaiming Creativity in Motherhood”
“I feel like a walking ghost in my own life” – This particular phrase, muttered by my best friend on a morning mom sanity walk, kept ringing in my ears. It resonated. Just weeks later on a call with my sister I heard, “I am completely invisible.” And days after that, another mother, mid-breakdown, tearfully throws in the towel, “I quit. I can’t do this job. I’m not okay. I don’t remember the last time I was okay. I used to be fun. I used to make art. I did yoga. I was different.”
Motherhood is hard. But is it meant to be this hard? Why do mothers feel invisible? Why do mothers feel like walking ghosts in their own life? And most importantly, what can be done?
As an artist and mother of four young boys these are the questions that tumble around in my brain day after day. In a nutshell – Can mothers who feel lost find themselves and reclaim their vibrancy and creativity?
The short answer – YES. I’m living proof. Creativity and motherhood do not merely have the capacity to coexist. These experiences, rife with passion and pain and meaning, can enhance and magnify each other when mothers are willing to engage in the process of wrestling and reconciling.
The long answer takes us back to 2014 when I accidentally dropped my baby while trying to bounce him and paint at the same time. I had a big show coming up and was pushing and pushing to finish the work in time, trying desperately to straddle the divide between my art career and being a mother of two. The moment I dropped my baby, that divide became a canyon in my mind.
I took this as a sign from the universe, shouting loud and clear that mothers cannot and should not try to be artists. “I am selfish. I don’t have the time or the energy to pursue an art career and I am literally hurting my family by trying.” Mom guilt is a self-destructive weapon and this incident was deadly ammunition.
Should I quit then? Maybe everything would be better if I dropped my ambitions to be an artist and just leaned into motherhood with my whole heart.
Unfortunately, I already knew quitting was not the answer because I tried it for almost a year after my first son was born in 2010. In these months I actually did devote every waking moment to motherhood. And guess what…it did not go well.
Where creativity had heretofore been an enjoyable way to pass the time, I learned quickly that my creativity was in fact a critical need for my survival. Without it I felt heavy. Stuffed full of confusing, tangled up knots that couldn’t be sorted or set right. I was disappearing somewhere inside myself.
Fortunately, a small commission project came my way, and the moment I picked up my brushes, I could feel that buzz of creative energy pulsing. I was terrified of what I would make and how ugly it would be, but the sheer relief of creating something cut through the fear and began to untangle the knots that had been pent up for months. I could feel myself reappearing and taking shape.
For the first time I saw myself clearly. I really am an artist and I will never lose myself again by abandoning my creativity.
So I got to work. And worked, and worked. And pushed and scrambled—Until I was a mom of two, burnt out, wet paint on my hands, crying as I shamefully googled, ‘dropped my baby, will he be okay?’ (I’m unsure if the thousands of results made me feel better or worse.)
So what does a mother do? What do you do when you fall apart without your creativity, but you also fall apart when your creativity pushes you past your limits? How do you avoid resenting both for the way they consume you?
You adapt.
This upcoming gallery show – Not a Ghost: Reclaiming Creativity in Motherhood is about two mothers (myself and fellow artist/mother Camille Wheatley) adapting to the challenges of motherhood, and creating art that works WITH those parameters, not against them.
My body of work, Art After, is a collection of 5x7” paintings created in one sitting. I only work on each piece until I get interrupted, then I force myself to leave it unfinished. On the back of each piece I document the start time, the end time, and the interruption that forced me to stop. These 100 pieces in various stages of completion come together like a rich tapestry to show the beauty and triumph of making Art After motherhood.
This project began shortly after the ‘incident’ with my baby in 2014 and has been a lifeline to my creative practice ever since. It saw me through the birth of two more babies, three stressful moves, health challenges, and more. Knowing that I can create SOMETHING, no matter what, has helped me make more art and less excuses. This project is the bridge that filled the canyon between motherhood and creativity.
These pieces fill the walls as visual proof that the small things we do each day, two minutes here, five minutes there, amount to something that matters. Viewers are encouraged to pick up the paintings and turn them over to read the interruptions on the back.
Camille Wheatley’s photographs from her series, Art in Between, will show alongside my work. Camille is a mother of four young girls and though the details of our stories differ, the sentiment is the same. The struggle to maintain any sense of self in the midst of motherhood is just plain hard. Camille adapted as well.
She began taking photos with her iPhone while out on-the-go with her kids. She says, “While some photographers focus on the magnificent, I am drawn to the quiet, understated moments in our surroundings. I give the seemingly boring a second chance. My photographic passion lies in finding beauty in the banal, seeking majesty in the mundane, and discovering the divine in the otherwise dull details of life.”
I love her gorgeous, minimal photographs that often read like abstract art. To me, they represent this idea that even as you struggle with your toddler at the park, or bustle down the sidewalk with your double stroller, you still see beauty. You honor that beauty and that part of yourself that craves it, by taking a brief moment to capture it. Her phone is filled with proof that she is still here. That she is in touch with her creativity every single day. It may be small, but it is enough.
I don’t have all the answers. I can’t identify every factor that causes women to disappear in motherhood or feel like ghosts in their own life. But I do know that when women feel lost, it’s often because they have lost touch with essential characteristics that make them who they are. For me it was painting, for you it may be hiking or dancing or yoga. These activities may seem superfluous in the face of the daunting daily demands of motherhood. But I am telling you they are essential.
It is possible to reclaim creativity right here in the messy middle of motherhood. We can’t afford to wait until the nest is empty to look in the mirror and try to remember who’s in there. Start today. Watercolor with your kids, bring a sketchbook in the car and doodle while you wait at soccer practice. Take a hip-hop class, or try a stand-up comedy group. Do anything. These are things that make us whole, and our kids need us to be whole.
It is also possible to reclaim motherhood. Children are not in our way, they are the way. They expose us to ourselves, and invite us to step into magic and curiosity daily. That woman we see in the mirror has more complexity, strength, and depth because of her children, which adds depth and complexity to her art in turn.
Mothers, it’s time to stop the cycle or resentment and excuses and replace it with acceptance and adaptability. Drop the all-or-nothing perfectionist attitude and start inching a little closer each day to the things you want and the person you want to be! Beauty and creativity still exist. You exist. And you are most definitely not a ghost.
In the Utah area? Come see the show:
Bountiful Davis Art Center - 90 N Main St. Bountiful, UT
Opening Reception: September 23, 6-8 pm
Interested in purchasing?
Art After presale starting September 14 at denisegasser.com
Denise and Camille’s work will both be available at
BDAC for the duration of the show, Sept. 23-Oct. 29
Follow Along on Instagram:
@denisegasserart
@saltandwheat
To have new blog posts sent directly to your email, sign up for my newsletter!
It comes every month, packed with beauty, updates, inspiration and more.