Own Your Power: In Sweatpants or a Pant Suit, Your Power is Already Within You

Own your power. I am learning more each year about what this means. I have always moved through the world with the aim of accommodating others. Helping others, 'fixing' others, providing for others. Considering the comfort and enjoyment of others almost exclusively. Making jokes at my own expense or making self-deprecating remarks (partially because they were true! ha ha! And funny. But partially to make sure everyone felt secure in my presence.)

These are not bad qualities. Service, humility, and being considerate are so important and I never want to lose these parts of me. BUT. Sometimes I think we like to bury ourselves in other people's problems so we don't have to do the painful work of looking at our own. AND, we get to look noble and feel selfless in the process. Though many people adopt these habits, I think it’s especially common for women. Far too often we belittle ourselves and our needs and become powerless in the process.

A wise life coach once posed this question to me, "What would happen if you turned all that time, compassion, energy and 'fixing' that you do for others and applied it to yourself?" I hate to admit that I was literally gobsmacked by this question. I honestly couldn't even compute!

Thoughts like, “This sounds selfish.” Or, “I don’t deserve this when so many people deal with struggles much bigger than my own.” Or, “People like me BECAUSE I overgive, what would they think if I suddenly stopped?” Or even, “If I try too hard to be successful, I will look like even more of a loser if I fail.” Basically, I came up with a thousand reasons why it made more sense to stay small, give all, and expect little in return.

Wielding power can be a little scary. What is power? Where does it come from? Do we only know power when we break free of our ‘domestic oppression’, don a pant suit and pull in our first six or seven-figure income? Do we only know power when we find our ‘true passion’ and sacrifice all else in pursuit of it?

To me, power is really knowing myself, and trusting myself. It is practicing self compassion. It means I listen to my inner voice and try to give her what she needs, even if it inconveniences or upsets others. I recognize my resiliency, my fighting spirit, my talents, and I am proud. Power is knowing that I CAN move mountains, but also knowing I am not weak for choosing not to move those mountains right now, or ever, if can see that my energy is better spent in other ways.

I didn’t find power in a business suit, or a boardroom. I found it at my kitchen table, over yet another last-minute, mediocre meal that I somehow managed to pull together. In a rocking chair, pushing through the early, agonizing pains of breastfeeding. On a toy-littered floor with a maniacal ‘three-nager’ where I threw a full-blown tantrum of my own, and was forced to acknowledge my own weakness and limitations. In my laundry room art studio, eeking out little windows of time for painting and self connection. In therapy visits and doctors appointments when I was willing to say out loud, ‘I don’t think I’m okay.’

Each of us will find and understand our power in different ways. For me, it has been motherhood and domesticity that have pushed me to my limits and shown me the stuff of which I’m made. Right here in the mess, with the sweatpants and unwashed hair. This is my power suit most days. And the work I do here MATTERS.

You take a minute right here, right now. Think back on what you’ve been through. Really take time to recognize the strength and grit it has taken to get you here. Finding and owning your own power is not so much a long process of gaining power, it’s a matter of recognizing the power you already have, acknowledging the ground you’ve already won, and loving yourself for it. Once you make that shift in your mindset, you start to behave differently. You start to treat yourself with more respect. Your boundaries become clear. Others begin to sense these shifts and respond accordingly. This process begins intentionally and continues to unfold almost imperceptibly over a lifetime.

Every single one of us has endured and conquered mountains that no-one else can possibly know. Life itself requires immense power. You already have power, and it's okay to own it.

Sending Love,

Denise

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